Vidhatri's Oasis

Life is not been the same for me. It has changed for the worst. I am alone now. Totally stranded. I feel helpless when I recollect the promises we made to be there for each other, forever. I am here but where are you?
I am thinking hard, literally digging up my memory to remember at least one day we didn’t speak, at least one secret we didn’t share, at least one prank we didn’t do together or at least one moment where I felt your absence around me. But, my memory fails to bring forth even the minor possibility of them. If I am right, then how do you expect me to face the world alone where I got used to walking holding your hands, how do you expect me to take decisions now without your assurance that I am right, how do you expect me not to talk to you when I pass through difficult times. “Best” friend was too a small word to describe you because you had become my habit. A habit I am finding it miserable to make me understand that I can’t continue. A habit which I ought to leave to let me live or it would kill me out of depression.
“Mrs. Bipasha Sharma, the coveted winner of the HR person of the year. She with her brilliance and confidence has helped to bring back to life the dying company.” I smiled as I read the way the newspaper had described me. To achieve this was a herculean task for me .I had to juggle between my roles of a HR manager, a wife and a mother. Though it did stress me out sometimes, I thoroughly enjoyed it. I was very happy and immensely satisfied with the small beautiful world that I had created around me. I just couldn’t imagine myself how few years back I was under tremendous depression just because my best friend Vaishali walked out of my life. That was a past story now, an incident which from years I was trying to forget but find myself still trying.
It was just another usual working day. As I drove towards the office, I was trying to mentally surf through all the points in my To-Do list. “Aah!!! Another hectic day”, I thought to myself after I finished with the quick analyses of the work ahead for the day. After reaching the office, I hurried to my cubicle .I immediately switched on my laptop to quickly browse through all the mails. I generally had the habit of first going through all the subjects of the emails I received and then start looking at the content .So, with the same fashion I started looking at the emails. “Re: Requisition for a deal with XYZ company” , Not important , “Fwd: Introduction of awards in the maintenance sector”, Okay will see to it later, “Rise in the company growth in Q3”, Good News. “I might not be alive by the time you finish reading this mail”, Okay, “Re: Regarding….”, What ! What did I read? I didn’t understand if I read it right. So I quickly read it again “I might not be alive by the time you finish reading this mail”. What the hell! What kind of mail is this? It can’t be a forward because I never get junk mails in my official email id. Was it just a prank or was it really serious? I decided to have a look at the mail.
I opened the mail. The email id from which I received wasn’t an id I was familiar with. I guess junk mails have intruded even in my mailbox. I knew it would be a waste of time to read through it, so I was about to close it when my eyes got stuck to a word in the mail called “Best Friend”. This word took me back to those days where a person whom I had addressed like that, had all of sudden left me. I would feel my heart beat increase as I remember those days which I dreaded to remember, but always ended up thinking about them. I soon found myself reading the story.
“Hi,
“Best Friend”, is what I called her. Nikitha meant the world to me. I couldn’t imagine a life without her around. I woke up everyday with a feeling that it should be a great day and she would make sure I had one. Everything I did in my life had to have Nikitha being a part of it.
Nikitha was a very outspoken girl. Everybody in our college knew who she was. Her extrovert nature helped her make lots of friends but I knew even in the group of friends her eyes searched for my presence and when she looked at me sitting in a corner of the room, she smiled. She never asked me to sit next to her because she knew I was not comfortable among the crowd. My shy nature never allowed me to mingle with people but I had no complaints because Nikitha meant crowd to me.
“I don’t know. No more questions. You are participating in this fashion show. That’s all”, Nikitha ordered me. Past couple of days we were having an argument on this topic. I can’t imagine standing before my whole class, walking down the ramp was highly impossible. I explained all this to Nikitha, but she said “Diya, you are very beautiful. But you don’t realize that. You will look great on the ramp. And above all this is not a contest. It’s just a fashion show. Just walk and come back. That’s it. Simple.” Simple, it was to hear but highly scary to do. But, Nikitha had decided and I had no choice.
“All you have to do is walk on the ramp stand for a while, turn and come back. That’s it. And hey make sure you sari doesn’t slip and fall”, Nikitha laughed. I knew she was trying to cool me down. But it was of no use. I was already tensed up and it was my turn to walk the ramp. ”Confidence Diya, Confidence”, I had Nikitha’s words ringing in my ears .I walked on the ramp with hundreds of people looking at me. I didn’t know why Nikitha is making me do this but I didn’t want to disappoint her. She had put lots of efforts to bring perfection in me and I didn’t want to mess it up. I managed to walk till the end of the ramp, smile at the crowd, turn around and walk back and stand next to the participants on the dais. It’s over, at last.
Now I knew why she made me participate in the fashion show as I hung the telephone. I just received a call from a famous film production offering me a heroine’s role. They told me they had seen me in the fashion show and were highly impressed. I rushed immediately to Nikitha’s house fuming with anger.
“Lights, Camera, action”, the director screamed. I looked into Nikitha’s eyes .She was standing besides the camera. I would see her eyes were gleaming with confidence, a confidence that I can do it. Her confidence in me gave me courage I found myself telling my first dialogue for the movie with flawless perfection. “Cut, Excellent Diya”, the director cried out. I ran and hugged Nikitha. I wept. I cried out of gratitude for all things she had done for me. She had spent days and nights trying to convince me and unknowing instilling confidence in me to make me realize that I could do. It was only because of the confidence of Nikitha in me that I decided to take up the offer which now I was thoroughly enjoying. “Thank you, Nikitha. Thank you so much. I did it .I did it at last. I couldn’t do this without you, Bipasha.”, I told her as I wept.
I started slowly enjoying the stardom. Soon there was talk in the film industry, that a new found talent has arrived, Vaishali. I was happy to read my name in magazines and newspapers. My first movie was a huge hit and “Vaishali” became a household name. I enjoyed the spotlight and all the attention I received. The cameras clicked flashing endless light on me. I enjoyed each flash that fell on me .Slowly I started becoming famous with my movies been declared a hit in the box office. I was flooded with awards. Year after year I was becoming more famous and rich. I was enjoying all the fame, money and attention I received. Men were wooing me while the women watched me keenly to imitate my style. I smiled at my success and took pride in declaring myself as a “self-made” woman forgetting that there was a person who was the sole reason for my present existence amidst fame and money.
Years passed by and I still had success falling on my feet. But amidst this fame I started feeing lonely. I wanted a companion and soon I decided to get married. I got married to one of my co-stars. The first year was like a beautiful fairy tale, where the beautiful princess had met her prince at last. Happiness was all around me but that soon became tired of living with me. I could see the marriage slipping away from my hands as everyday we ended up arguing about silly things. Silly things turned to be serious things. He didn’t seem to understand me at all. I was disturbed, really disturbed. Finally, I decided I couldn’t take it any more and we got divorced.
I am single and alone again. Now, as I walked by, I could feel the camera flashes tearing me apart, the looks of people trying to burn me into ashes. I wanted to run away from the spotlight. My money laughed at me as I couldn’t buy happiness for myself. I could feel the men’s stares piercing through my body and women’s laughs on my bad marriage kept ringing in my ears. I wanted to run away from all this but my stardom pulled me back and forced me to glare at the flash lights which were making me blind. “Why did you leave me alone, Bipasha”, I cried.
Bipasha, I want to bring back our old days. I want to become the shy girl again sitting in the end of the room looking at you speaking to a group of people. I want you to again understand me better than what I do. I want my “best friend” again in my life. I want your presence to become a habit again. I want to start again the habit of holding your hand as I face the world, I want to start again the habit of taking decision with your assurance that I am right, I just want to start them all over again. I left this habit long back because I was blinded by things around me whose presence I felt more important then. Now their presence is killing me, Bipasha. Don’t worry I am still surviving through this hell , but take me away from this place before I die out of depression. Please take me away as I desperately want to resume my habit of feeling your presence in my life”

Tears rolled down my cheeks as I read the story. I couldn’t stop relating the incidents mentioned in the mail with the real incidents that had happened between Vaishali and me. Half way through the mail I started imagining us as the characters of the story and started reading the story with our names. “How dumb of me?”, I thought. But, the last words of the story were still ringing in my ears “I left this habit long back because I was blinded by things around me whose presence I felt more important then. Now their presence is killing me, Bipasha.” Bipasha!!! Did I read Bipasha as the name of the character and I looked at the story again.
It was then I realized that I was not fantasizing the characters as us, but the characters were really us. I wasn’t visualizing the names of characters as mine and Vaishali’s, but the writer has purposely changed the names half way through of the story because the writer was none other than Vaishali, my “best-friend”.