Vidhatri's Oasis

“Oh God! She looked so beautiful even while she is crying”, I thought while I stood there admiring her cry. I wanted to console her but what would I tell her, as I had no clue why she was crying. And above all, with what liberty would I go and console her. The liberty that its just been couple of months I know her as a team mate or with the liberty that she was the reason for making me realize, recognize, feel this immensely beautiful “Bliss” in me , a bliss which I call “Love”……
It’s been 3 years I have been working in this software company. Past 3 years have gone in a flash. A flash that had struggle, hard work, night-outs, recognition, appreciations, onsite trip and many more. After 3 years I saw myself joining the rat race, a race which I didn’t know where it will end, but still I ran. And during this race came along my new assignment… I was put into a new project. I was all set to start this project looking forward for some great learnings, but least did I expect that I would learn something entirely new, entirely interesting, entirely “blissful“ ……
There was something striking about her as she was the only one who stood out among all the people whom I got introduced as the team I would join, in my new assigned project. What was so striking about her, hummm... Yeah, her dimple extended with a prefect curved smile. ”Sweet smile”, I thought to myself and walked away thinking about the smile more than how to get started with the project. That moment little did I realize, that this would be the smile I would long to see forever……
Renuka, came across to be as this very interesting character, interesting because she was always brimming with excitement. I always read in books and watched in movies where there will be a character portrayed as “happy-go –lucky” natured person, always happy and making others around happy. And there, before me I saw a lively version of the character loaded with all enthusiasm. But the most remarkably interesting thing about her was, she was ever smiling. I would also put it like; she was a synonym of the word smile. It was interesting to see her and more interesting to talk to her … I assume as I had seen her speaking to others as I have never spoken to her.
Why did she maintain a distance from me, was something that made me wonder??? .Its almost been almost 3 weeks I have been into this project and I had never had a chance to speak to her or rather I would put it this way, she never gave me a chance to speak. The mystery made me more curious and unknowing made me notice her more. But the mystery continued….
“Hi Varun”, Renuka said. For a second, I was wondering was I dreaming. Can’t blame me for that, as its human to not believe when the unexpected happens. Same with me too. I didn’t know what expression to carry. Should I show that I am surprised she spoke to me, or happy that she spoke at last or a very causal look like it was just another conversation. And I ended up a giving a blank expression … a stupid one of course. ”Varun, Ravi wanted me to inform you that he will not be able to make it to office today. So he wants you to do the needful. Bye Varun. .Have a nice day”…..This is what I call “short and sweet”. It was sweet but I didn’t want it be short.
Project deadlines, documents deliverables, production issues… amongst all those tension packed days … I still enjoyed every day in the project, because her lively nature made it more interesting to work in the team. During the next few weeks, I occasionally got a chance to speak, but hey the talks were totally limited to official matters. But I enjoyed them too. Renuka - I would call her my colleague than a friend because never did I get into a friendly conversation or should I say never ever will…
“Its getting late, hurry up”, one of my colleagues screamed. Aah, I had forgotten we had a dinner party that day. But as usual I got struck with some assignment and I told them I will join them in an hour. ”Ok Renuka u join Varun, even he is coming late. Varun, don’t forget to bring Renuka along with you “, informed the same guy. Hey, did I hear that right .Renuka and I … coming alone together… will she be ready… Is she okay with it?.... will she be comfortable to come along with me?... will she talk to me during the drive?? .. Will she …. STOP…. What was I doing? Asking myself so many questions. May be it was a new way to digest the fact. A fact which I loved to happen and loved it more if nobody turns up and says” hey Varun, your leaving late. Then I will join u too.” You never know with the software professionals. .always find some work to be done in the last hour… of course I too fall in the same category. But, then I sincerely hoped that for once my team members complete all their work on time. And guess what, my prayers were heard. In my team, Renuka and I were the only people still to join the party. I eagerly waited for that 1 hour to pass by, don’t ask me how much I worked in that 1 hour.. but I was looking at the screen with questions like how? Why? What? When? still lingering in my mind and of course looking at the time in the right bottom of the computer screen.
“Shall we leave Renuka”, oh this was the first “non” professional casual thing I told her. “Yeah, sure”, she said flashing a beautiful smile. NoNo... I tried my best to give the blankest expression I can keep, as not to reveal my excited expression. But anyways, what was the use the whole journey till the restaurant will be like a silent movie, because can’t expect her to start a conversation. I knew my stars were shining on me bright that evening but didn’t have the slightest idea that it will shine brighter.
“Which was the last movie you watched?”, Renuka asked while I was driving and of course leaving me totally bewildered .I was so confused , because never on earth I expected her to speak and she spoke .In that confusion, all I heard was “which was your last” and the rest I assumed. “It was for North Carolina Travel dept, developing a database for them “I said. Your right, I assumed what she said as “your last project”. She burst out laughing, leaving me look like a total dumbo. But to be frank I was happy about what happened then because those laughs lasted for the whole journey. Surprisingly we spoke and spoke about lots of things during the travel and for once I was not cursing the fact that my office was located in the outskirts of the city and the long traffic jam that happen inside the city during the peak hours .They were blessing in disguise then.
We spoke. We spoke more and more. Everything she spoke surprised me .Surprisingly because she was speaking to me for the first time so casually and she sounded so comfortable as if speaking to one of her good friends. It did make me comfortable, so comfortable that I found myself jumping on my seat due to excitement .Excitement out of surprise!!! What should I say; it was so good to talk to her. I felt so happy and nice while talking to her. Everything she spoke I felt that was so cute, with so much innocence and warmth filled in it. In those few minutes of drive I developed tremendous admiration for her innocence, her simplicity, her charm and of course it goes without saying her smile.
Contagious!!! Her smile was so too contagious. It made me also smile throughout the journey, and that I realized only when my mouth started aching. But I was experienced total happiness in me, which I had lost it somewhere in my struggle to excel and make a mark in this competitive world and I wanted this happiness to last …..
“That’s the restaurant, Keep your left Varun”. Oh, there was so much sweetness in what she spoke. I smiled to myself and kept my left and entered the restaurant .I parked my car and the only thought that came to me will I be lucky again to take her for a drive. I know sometimes you ask too much to God, but I just hoped he too has some bonus system of giving his employees bonus once in a while. ”It was great to talk to you Varun. I never expected you to be such a friendly guy; I had a very nice drive. Thanks.”, she said. ”Pleasure is mine”, I said smiling back and thanking God for letting me know such a nice girl. She signaled to me something. I did not understand .Oh! Then I understood that she was pointing to my hair that was totally unkempt. She gestured this and stepped outside the car. I saw myself in the mirror and saw my face turn pink. I was blushing. I winked at myself, looking at the mirror and got down from the car.
The restaurant was in the 3rd floor .We entered the mirror walled lift. Renuka immediately opened her handbag and took her comb out and started brushing her hair. I looked at her in astonishment.” Girls… you just can’t change them”, she laughed. I blushed. . Now why I blushed, I don’t know… but I felt cute about the whole thing. In the restaurant, during our dinner, every second minute I was looking at her. It was not intentional at all, but I didn’t know my head turned towards her to admire her. I would feel a very nice feeling which I felt for her. Is it with affection, like, admiration or ... I didn’t know…I couldn’t understand. But I was experiencing something totally refreshing, totally blissful….because I had fallen in love with her without realizing it.
There she was sitting before me and crying, while I thought about her, the reason for all the happiness I am experiencing from quite a long time. Thanks to her. But, I had to stop her from crying. I had to do something. Before I could frame my dialogues, I heard myself talk “Renuka, I have some coupons for free Pizzas in our office outlet. Today is the last day and I don’t want it to go for a waste, can u please join me? “ … can I make a more fool out of myself…She looked at me...with tears filled in her eyes and started laughing. Sometimes making a fool out of yourself is also good..
We were having Pizzas, outside the pizza outlet engrossed in a conversation. I didn’t want to ask her why she was crying which might make her unhappy again, but I desperately wanted to know the reason why? .While the conversation was going on, she said, “Varun, you know why I cried. This onsite co-coordinator of ours blasted me in the conf call for not writing the proper code and that getting bombed in production. He really scolded me very badly. I felt so bad about it”. I gave her a surprised look. Looking at my surprised look she quickly responded “Girls… you just can’t change them”. I smiled…. Falling in love with her more…
More of project parties together, more of evening snacks , more of lunch and dinner , more of knowing each other continued as days passed by till I came to a point I said STOP!!! Stop of all these .Stop... Admiring her .Stop … blushing at whatever she says...stop …smiling within myself feeling the happiness each time I spoke to her… stop finding all the reasons to have dinner or lunch together… because I wanted to tell her that I love her … because I wanted to lead a beautiful life with her ..because I wanted to be there for her forever... because I just wanted to be the luckiest guy under the sky…
Innumerable questions popped inside me as to how should I tell her .Should I wait till the Valentine’s Day and propose to her with a red rose like a typical teenager, or tell her that I love you directly, or indirectly make her know that I love her. How I had no idea. I even searched the internet for few tips but they also didn’t suit me. I wasn’t a guy who would keep it to my heart. I was ready to tell her but how was the big question of the hour. ”Varun, you have to complete the coding for the new design by 2 weeks. I know its tough, but we have no other choice”, informed my manager to me. I started off in full swing to meet the deadlines and thought that after the deadline I would definitely tell her.
I was busy coding that day to finish the work before the deadlines. So busy that I totally forgot I had my manager’s farewell dinner party that night. I as usual had to attend it late because of my work load. Everybody in my team left and I was the only person there stuck to my computer, coding. Did I say I was the only one? No. I was mistaken. Suddenly, then I felt somebody approaching me .I looked up I saw Renuka standing next time. “Why didn’t u leave?? Everybody has left?”, I asked her. “I will join you Varun. Had some work to complete”, she replied. There was something different about her, something missing, some change that was so very prominent.. Yeah she looked sad, she lacked the glow and of course her smile was no where to be seen. What was wrong?? What happened?? What would be the reason now for her being sad? “What happened, you look dull?”, I asked her.” No nothing I am fine”, she told and walked away. No something was definitely wrong. I thought I will ask her when we drive to the restaurant.
“Renuka, what’s wrong with you. You don’t seem to be the usual kind. Something is bothering. What’s it??” I asked while I was driving to the restaurant. ”I told u nothing is wrong. I am fine”, she said. ”No, you are not fine. I have never seen you so sad. There is something that is definitely disturbing you. But what? Did something happen in office or home.” I almost screamed and stopped the car on the side of the road. I wanted to find the reason … and that too now. ”Nothing is wrong “, she said and looked outside the window.” Please, Renuka I just can’t see you like this. Please tell me .I have never ever seen you like this and I cant see you like this .Please you have to tell me .I am worried about you”, I pleaded.. ”Forget it Varun, you will not understand”, she said and escaped my eye contact. ”Why should I forget it and how can u think I can forget. I care for you, I am concerned about you .I love you”. I told her this holding her hand.
What did I say? Did I say I loved her? But that moment I was more worried about her than what I told her. She squeezed my hand tight, put her head on my shoulders and started crying. I didn’t understand what was going on. I was shocked and confused. ”I love you too. I was just waiting for you to tell .I really didn’t know how I should convey my love for you because I wasn’t even sure that if u loved me or not. I am so happy now, very very happy.”, she said still crying. That moment I felt as if I have been showered with all the joy in the world that was too much for me to handle at that moment. That moment I was too overjoyed for words and all I would think off seeing her cry was “Girls... You just can’t change them”. I hugged her and closed my eyes feeling an eternal bliss in me… a bliss which I still now feel when I hear our one year old baby cry. Truly blessed with bliss ……..